13 Funny Birthday Jokes

By July 13, 2016Uncategorized

As you get older, birthdays become less and less enjoyable. It’s just a reminder that you’re not getting any younger. Another year past, another birthday down.

The fear of old age is real and the only way to remedy the situation is be around family, blow out your candles, open presents and…birthday jokes, of course.

Sometimes jokes about getting older are downright hilarious, other times there’s some truth to them. If you’re looking to crack wise at an upcoming birthday party, you’ve come to the right place. These funny birthday jokes, sayings and one-liners take the cake.

1. Birthdays are nice, but too many can kill you.

Best Birthday Jokes

[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”20px” margin_bottom=”20px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” sep_color=”” border_size=”” icon=”” icon_circle=”” icon_circle_color=”” width=”” alignment=”left” class=”” id=””/]

2. Statistics show people who have more birthdays will live longer.

Getting Older Jokes

[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”20px” margin_bottom=”20px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” sep_color=”” border_size=”” icon=”” icon_circle=”” icon_circle_color=”” width=”” alignment=”left” class=”” id=””/]

3. Q: What’s the easiest way to remember your wife’s birthday?

Best Wife's Birthday Jokes

A: Forget it once.

[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”20px” margin_bottom=”20px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” sep_color=”” border_size=”” icon=”” icon_circle=”” icon_circle_color=”” width=”” alignment=”left” class=”” id=””/]

4. Q: What goes up and never comes down?

What goes up but never comes down?

A: Your age.

[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”20px” margin_bottom=”20px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” sep_color=”” border_size=”” icon=”” icon_circle=”” icon_circle_color=”” width=”” alignment=”left” class=”” id=””/]

5. Age is only important if you’re cheese or wine.

Age only matters if you are cheese

[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”20px” margin_bottom=”20px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” sep_color=”” border_size=”” icon=”” icon_circle=”” icon_circle_color=”” width=”” alignment=”left” class=”” id=””/]

6. Birthday notifications on Facebook are the perfect reminder to unfriend people that you never speak to. Facebook Birthday Notifications

[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”20px” margin_bottom=”20px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” sep_color=”” border_size=”” icon=”” icon_circle=”” icon_circle_color=”” width=”” alignment=”left” class=”” id=””/]

7. Forget about the past you can’t change it. Forget about the future you can’t predict it. Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.  forget about the presents I didn't get you

[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”20px” margin_bottom=”20px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” sep_color=”” border_size=”” icon=”” icon_circle=”” icon_circle_color=”” width=”” alignment=”left” class=”” id=””/]

8. I intend to live forever, so far so good.

I intend to live forever so far so good - t-shirt

[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_button link=”http://amzn.to/2aa6BCN” color=”default” size=”xlarge” stretch=”” type=”” shape=”” target=”_blank” title=”” gradient_colors=”|” gradient_hover_colors=”|” accent_color=”” accent_hover_color=”” bevel_color=”” border_width=”1px” icon=”” icon_position=”left” icon_divider=”yes” modal=”” animation_type=”0″ animation_direction=”down” animation_speed=”0.1″ animation_offset=”” alignment=”center” class=”” id=””]GET IT NOW ON AMAZON[/fusion_button]

[fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” top_margin=”20″ bottom_margin=”20″ sep_color=”” border_size=”” icon=”” icon_circle=”” icon_circle_color=”” width=”” alignment=”left” class=”” id=””/]

9. Q: What is the meaning of a true friend?

Good Friend Joke

A: Someone who remembers your birthday but not your age.

[fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” top_margin=”20″ bottom_margin=”20″ sep_color=”” border_size=”” icon=”” icon_circle=”” icon_circle_color=”” width=”” alignment=”left” class=”” id=””/]

10. Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.  GROWING OLD IS INEVITABLE Up is Optional Funny Statement Joke Biker Iron on Embroidered Patch D45

[fusion_button link=”http://amzn.to/29Qnfs4″ color=”default” size=”xlarge” stretch=”” type=”” shape=”” target=”_blank” title=”” gradient_colors=”|” gradient_hover_colors=”|” accent_color=”” accent_hover_color=”” bevel_color=”” border_width=”1px” icon=”” icon_position=”left” icon_divider=”yes” modal=”” animation_type=”0″ animation_direction=”down” animation_speed=”0.1″ animation_offset=”” alignment=”center” class=”” id=””]GET IT NOW ON AMAZON[/fusion_button]

[fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” top_margin=”20″ bottom_margin=”20″ sep_color=”” border_size=”” icon=”” icon_circle=”” icon_circle_color=”” width=”” alignment=”left” class=”” id=””/]

11. Every year on my birthday I look forward to my aunt’s gift –  a scarf, hat, or sweater knitted by hand. This year she must have had better things to do because I she sent me a ball of yarn, knitting needles and a how-to-knit book. Her card read “Here’s a scarf, some assembly required.”

[fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” top_margin=”20″ bottom_margin=”20″ sep_color=”” border_size=”” icon=”” icon_circle=”” icon_circle_color=”” width=”” alignment=”left” class=”” id=””/]

12. From a certain age birthdays are like a reverse countdown.

[fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” top_margin=”20″ bottom_margin=”20″ sep_color=”” border_size=”” icon=”” icon_circle=”” icon_circle_color=”” width=”” alignment=”left” class=”” id=””/]

13. A birthday cake is the only food you can blow and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece.

Funny Birthday Joke

[fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” top_margin=”20″ bottom_margin=”20″ sep_color=”” border_size=”” icon=”” icon_circle=”” icon_circle_color=”” width=”” alignment=”left” class=”” id=””/]

Bonus Jokes:

You know you’re getting old when:

  • You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.

  • You start taping daytime game shows.

  • You travel to historical sites and they’re older than you are.

  • Your best friend starts dating someone half their age and isn’t breaking any laws.

  • You start feeling athletic, so you go to a sports bar.

  • Your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

  • Someone calls at 9 PM and asks “Did I wake you?”

  • The candles cost more than the cake.  


[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

Hafiz Usman

About Hafiz Usman